Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Fat Shaming!

Once at a friend's house, I noticed a picture of a Sumo wrestler wearing a ballerina outfit on her refrigerator door. This was done to mock my friend, not by bullies in school or even a heartless sibling, but by an adult family member. This unacceptable behavior from anyone, but especially coming from close adult family member, must have been both hurtful and embarrassing to my friend.
In my twenties, while taking a young teenage girl shopping, her mother made it clear, not to allow her daughter to buy short skirts. Now I agree, a fourteen year old girl doesn't need to dress sexy, but her mother changed the entire context by completing the sentence,
"....because she has chubby legs." Right there in front of this beautiful girl, her mother's actions were harmful and cruel. Our children deserve better. Let us abandoned theses disgraceful methods, in favor for more positive changes.

In this very judgemental world, where everyone's self-esteem is brought through the ring of fire at one point in their life. This unavoidable part of life, where society pokes and prods at our insecurities. Anything will be used against the person, be it their weight, acne, family, lifestyle, financial status, disabilities, etc... It's a painful fact of life and how we deal with with theses individuals and situations often define our character. Yet the world is already filled with bullies and well meaning hard asses, the last thing any person suffering from any problem needs is to it down by those they love.

We as parents are suppose to be protectors from harm, to our children.  We know we can't prevent every mishap in their childhood, however both you and your child are able to stand up to bullies.

  1. Look how you as the adult, treat yourself. Are you guilty of a negative self body image? So first stop bullying yourself. It doesn't just hurt you, but your child who is your biggest fan. Don't let them down by bring yourself down. Focus on bringing not just your child's self-esteem, but your own. In childhood the two are intertwined.
  2. Build up your child's self-esteem, but don't let it become arrogance. Instead teach yourself and your children build up others around them. Teach your children to appreciate the joys of life, including the people they encounter.  
  3. Accept when your child is at fault. No one is perfect, especially our children. Rather than pretend the problem isn't there, address it. If you aren't sure your child is guilty or even if you are convinced they are innocent, it wouldn't hurt to go over the subject, including acceptable behavior.
  4. Don't be afraid to confront teachers, parents, principles, etc... over the treatment your child receives. Children should not be taught to just live with this behavior. This kind of abuse could follow them into their work life, condemning them to victimization. Still, be civil and open to the other side.
  5. If two children don't seem to get along, their parents should arrange a lunch between the two families, to try to figure out what the problem may be. This could give both children a chance to understand each other, rather than just deal with the behavior problem.
  6. When in doubt, no reason not to seek some help. Finding a counselor for advice or even just to talk, can help you and your child work out any skills which need to addressed.
  7. Be open to accept respectable criticism. Sometimes people speak up to tell us an unpleasant truth because they care. They need not be the one to say it to your child and should have the tact to speak their concerns to the parents in private. Maybe your child is putting on weight and you should then talk to your pediatrician about the matter. Sometimes your child will need to gain extra weight, especially right before and the early stages of puberty. If the weight is a concern, work out a diet and exercise plan in you chicks schedule. There is no reason to make the issue abusive. Children just need your support, your love, but not the baggage of failed methods.

Sadly our society focuses a great deal over appearances than we do in intelligence, kindness, education, family or most, pressing social and goble issues. We pay beautiful more to the point, it's an asset. It's an unfortunate reality of life, but as parents it's a reality we have the power to change. To change ourselves and how we raise our children could alter the world in a generation. Let's grow past this shallowness and give our children something more than skin deep.

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